“Enegy from waste” A christmas story
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"Energy from Waste" - A Christmas story
God, ah, yes. We’re talking about a creator of ingenious qualities. He makes the world in seven days, but a bit of a rush job by all accounts. Let’s take a look.
Puts a couple of inexperienced humans on the earth to rule and have dominion over everything.
Anyway, they have lots of fun with the easy stuff like naming animals and plants, but get really screwed up when they are told not to do something. Yeah, eat the apple and find out the truth. That really pisses God off, so he blows one and sends them into a darkness of ignorance and pain.
Anyway, thanks to his big faux-pas, of putting temptation in the way of novices, us humans are deprived from the knowledge of what is right and what is wrong, so we run a mock making a real mess of the planet and our own lives.
The Flood
God realises, it’s all a mistake, and tries to shove the whole nasty business under the carpet,,, or rather under a huge flood of water. Whoa, talk about denial! Good one God, …wonder if that’s where we learnt that one from?
Anyway, the new human race emerges from the small select group of survivors, but guess what, they start again and do exactly the same things as the last lot and screw the world up yet again.
God, scratches his head, realising that the mistakes of the past are not going away so easily, so he has another go at putting things right.
The Old Testament
This time he makes a rule book called the old testament that lays down a whole bunch of things we can’t do and if we do do them, we get slammed into the worst place possible to suffer for ever. Scare them buggers into submission, seemed like a good move.
Actually that did not work either, we still kept on doing what we thought was the best and continued to screw up our lives and the planet.
God thinks to himself, Mmm, I need a different tack. Annihilation, fear and judgement seems to have failed, lets take a different angle altogether. Let’s talk love and forgiveness and see if that get the message over. Let’s call it the second covenant, make it all very reasonable and win people over with kindness.
Jesus arrives!
So apparently he sends his son to do the job of evangelising us. He does ok, well ,at least he gets 12 men to see his point, but sadly not the 13th who betrays him to the authorities and Jesus gets hanged on a Roman cross. Nasty!
God, by now is pretty puzzled by all this. Nothing he does seems to be able to put things right. His creation seems to be out of control and he remains powerless to make any positive changes.
He sits down on his throne and scratches his head for 2000 years or so thinking what to do next. Meanwhile we’re still busy screwing things up and causing absolute chaos on the earth.
God is afraid of having another go at putting things right. By now, we are pretty used to the tricks and insidious methods of control and we’re cynical of anyone or anything that comes forward with an answer. We don’t even listen to our own leaders and our own leaders don’t listen to us. God just doesn’t stand a chance of a word in edgways and he knows it.
Greed and destruction
Suddenly God has an idea… He realises that he doesn’t need to do anything, that in fact the answer to putting things right is there under his nose. All he has to do is sit tight, watch and wait as we humans finally drive ourselves into a cul-de-sac of destruction and and …. finally do the job of ending this dreadful mess once and for all.
No more does he have to intervene and try to save us, no more egg on his face as he fails to second guess our devious ways with simple remedies. It’s a tough one to swallow, but he’s got the time to wait and we’re doing a great job of gathering all that’s required to finally end the human race altogether. The germ of greed that infected us from the days of old has multiplied and spread all over the planet. We’ve polluted every square inch of the earth, sea and skies and basically shit in every corner of the house we live in.
Not long now, our ears are covered, our eyes are blind and we hear only one voice, the voice of stupid greedy people who really don’t give a damn about anything or anyone. Their message will guide us deeper into oblivion and despair, but all the while we think it’s progress.
An awakening?
Well, progress it is. We’re doing God’s work for him, the second flood is coming, the burning bush has raged into an encroaching inferno and the greatest bloody sacrifice is awaiting the command from the masses of people who still live the dream that says;
“Carry on, we’ll be ok, things and never as bad as they seem”
Guess what? Some of us have finally woken up, a little dazed and shocked, but suddenly seeing that the ship is heading for disaster. Wake up! Wake up, we cry, desperately trying to get the attention of the pilots and leaders of our earth ship. We’re going to crash, steer away into safety, let’s start again and learn from our mistakes.
Energy from Waste
Our voices are not heard, they are but dim echoes in the dreams of the sleepwalkers. God smiles and shuffles his feet a little. Not long now, he thinks as he sips his brandy cream. On his vision board in front of him sits a picture of a new world, a third age, a final covenant. A final aftermath of beauty and peace. The place that was ours, but the place we never knew existed, except in our finest ideals. The Phoenix that rose from the ashes of mankind.
And God never had to lift a finger to create it. Perfect he says to himself, energy from waste, now why didn’t I think of that!
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now that’s the story of the day, injected with dire humor, perfected with necessary cynicism…next year, let’s print out small inconspicuous leaflets on–re-cycled paper and make cards to give to unsuspecting pedestrians in the suburbs of this vast and wasteful land.
okay, let’s email it all over facebook instead.
with recyclable love, your ardent follower, nadine de Garbagee
Hi Nadine, thanks for your comment.
Having followed the fiasco at Copenhagen, I am feeling pretty agitated with status quo bureaucracy. Stir in the pretence of christmas consumerism and something has to go ‘pop’ all over the page.
Absolutely brilliant Mr G. Please spread it around more, send to the press etc.