The bottom line is: cracks are starting to appear

Filed in Blog by on September 17, 2009 9 Comments
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The Green's toilket seat; on its way to recycling

The Green's toilet seat; on its way to recycling

Things are falling down around us at zero waste towers this week.

You only need take a look at the photo to see what I mean.

Have you studied closely my toilet seat?

What do you see at the back of the seat?

Yes, I’m glad I don’t have a huge arse, because if I did, I’d have more than I bargained for every time I attended to a call from Mother Nature.

Our seat has a crack in it!

Fortunately, as well as having non-fat arses, we’re also not so small that we go tumbling through the crack like Alice through the looking glass.

I can see it now: “Mrs Green through the toilet seat”.

Not a pretty sight; and I’m sure not as beautiful or intriguing as visiting Peter Pan’s Neverland. Maybe I should rename it ‘nether-regions’ land.

If that’s not enough, Mr Green whacked the bottom of our kitchen caddy container to empty it into the compost and guess what?

He cracked it’s bottom.


I’m feeling a bit of a theme coming on here.

Cracks, bottoms … It’s all turning into a bit of aΒ  ‘Carry On’ film around here.

now I don’t know about you; but if your kitchen caddy has ever sprung a leak, you’ll know that the stuff that trickles out of the bottom of that is, well, a bit like the stuff that trickles out of your bottom after a night on the tiles.

It’s not pretty and it doesn’t smell good. So it’s not going back on my work surface.

You’ll be delighted to hear that the toilet seat has been replaced. The old one, because I can’t think of a creative or useful reuse for it (Christmas wreath anyone? A funky basket for shooting hoops? Stylish necklace?) , can be recycled at our local centre in the wood and metal skips. Although I’m tempted to burn it on the fire this winter, just because it appeals to my quirky sense of humour to be able to add to my long list of accomplishments “I burnt a toilet seat”

I’m sure there is a joke in there somewhere. But I don’t want to be the butt of them.

The plastic container will have to be reused; as a plant container perhaps, because if we put it in our bin, that will be our goal, of not emptying our dustbin for a year, destroyed in an instant.

Just like the plastic container was.

Let that be a lesson to you; one thoughtless slap on the bottom, and all manor of calamities can occur. Ooh Matron!

I’d love to hear your thoughts – what creative reuse can you come up with for our old wooden toilet seat and cracked plastic container?

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About the Author ()

I am a long time supporter of the Green and Sustainable lifestyle. After being caught in the Boscastle floods in 2004, our family begun a journey to respect and promote the importance of Earth's fragile ecosystem, that focussed on reducing waste. Inspired by the beauty and resourcefulness of this wonderful planet, I have published numerous magazine articles on green issues and the author of four books.

Comments (9)

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  1. John Costigane says:

    Hi Mrs Green,

    A broken kitchen caddy can be avoided by tipping empty, then hand clearing most of the rest. Any remainder can be wiped or even strained through a colander. Excessive moisture can be removed by squeezing out liquid from fruit/veg scraps before placing in the caddy. Can the caddy be given back to the council for reprocessing into pellets, and a new supplied from same?

    My own recurring accidental damage was rubber gloves, and always the left hand. I lost count of the extra right hand ones which were inverted to the left orientation. That was then and for over 6 months the same pair has stayed fully functional and dry inside. The answer was simply to consciously use handles not cutting edges nor fork ends.

    In general, find the cause and then find a better approach.

  2. Greenlady says:

    Oooh. I must admit I really like the sound of a good old cathartic bog seat burning ! Otherwise umm lemme think.. substitute for horse collar for gurning contests ? Picture/mirror frame ? ( painted in bargee style of course ) Or you could use it to build a planter for the garden, use the lid for the bottom ( oo errrr missus ! once you start Carrying On I find you can’t stop ) the seat for the top and….I have no idea what to use for the sides as I don’t know what else you have hanging around but I am sure you can find something suitable !

  3. Sarah says:

    You have me stumped with the split plastic caddy, but I’m sure the loo seat could be used for something….. I’m thinking maybe as a base for a home made chicken nest box to make a little space where the eggs would be safe? Hang it in the shed to hang stuff for storage/drying from? Otherwise, I’m liking the fire idea, a lot. But make sure you don’t go burning your bum…

  4. Pat says:

    I’m with you – I’d burn the old toilet seat. At least it will provide a few moments of warm. Though the lid, I would think, could be turned into something useful (if Mr Green is handy with power tools). It looks like lovely wood.

  5. Eunice Robertson says:

    what about using the cracked plastic container sunk in the ground for invasive herbs such as mint? I had a wooden toilet seat that cracked, and all I did was stick it together with wood glue, and put a small metal brace underneath the crack.

  6. Sarah says:

    @Eunice Robertson: I wondered about repair, but the Greens have already replaced it and I imagine that if it was repairable then Mr Green is handy enough with power tools to fix it.

    Mrs Green – have you offered the old seat on freecycle?

  7. LJayne says:

    Definitely burning the toilet seat here, I like that πŸ˜‰

    Could you cut the bottom out of the plastic container. Use the cut pieces of the bottom in a plant pot for drainage and then use the container itself buried in the garden for growing mint in? My dad had mint in the garden for years that was contained by a bucket whose bottom had rusted away. He says mint needs to be contained or else it puts all its energies into spreading everywhere and not into growing leaves.

    There may be other herbs as well that would benefit from this. I’m not a very good gardener – yet, that’s our next aim! – so am not really sure.

  8. LOL – Love your post Mrs G – I am happy to reuse most things but drew the line at our old wooden loo seat that had seen too many years of use and was relieved it could be recycled at our Household Waste Recycling Centre Good luck with it πŸ˜€

  9. Mrs Green says:

    @John Costigane: Hi John, the caddy doesn’t come from our council; they don’t supply them around here. We’re just using it for storage for things that don’t need to be air tight.

    Regarding the rubber gloves; I have just the story coming up on Sunday for you! πŸ˜‰

    @Greenlady: πŸ˜€ I love the idea of a mirror or picture frame. Brings a new meaning to ‘mirror mirror on the wall’ …

    @Sarah: I’ll try not to burn my bum Sarah; maybe I should donate it to you for your chickens then! We didn’t offer it on Freecycle; I can’t imagine giving away a split toilet seat!

    @Pat: Hi Pat, it does feel like a cathartic and symbolic ritual, I have to say! Thanks for sharing your thoughts..

    @Eunice Robertson: and
    @LJayne: Hi Eunice and Lesley, your idea for containing invasive herbs is very good – thank you! We have mint already, but lemon balm is taking over too, so I could plant some in the bee garden without it taking over – thanks!

    @Almost Mrs Average: It did bring back memories of your post, I have to say!

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